Thinking the Problem was My Partner’s Violent Ex Wife
Turns out it was both of their disfunction, co-dependency, and narcissism
Another night full of dreams
Being shown what needs to change
Dreams of ex wife and the control she has
That property of yours like a weird exchange
Like ‘hey, let’s not fully separate
Let’s keep this together for 10–30 more years
Who knows if it will even profit
I know it’ll cause unnecessary drama and tears’
I won’t marry you
If you’re still in a life with an ex wife
Not that it matters to you
Always making comments about how women give you strife
It’s unsatisfactory
Hopeless, pathetic, unsettling
Am I holding out for a STILL unavailable man?
Do you think refusing to be with that is meddling?
It doesn’t matter, really
My truth is this
You’ve been feeding me pretty dreams
And I have to beg for a kiss
You got back from work
And Daddy was gone
No more strong nurturing presence
I was ready to sing together and you’ve lost the song
I’m unsatisfied
And if I tell you that — you’ll just leave
You’re not who you pretended to be
For who I thought I saw, I grieve
No more sexy, disciplined, attentive Daddy
Just da da and cuddling a kid
Even after they go to bed
Dreaming of you touching me.. heaven forbid
I should be dreaming of a life with you
Yet I’m not confident you even want me
The way you nurtured her on the phone
I can see why she didn’t want you to set her free
But you only do it when something is wrong
When there is a fire to put out
Have been healing the drama responses
Yet everything is still so filled with doubt
I’d rather you not tell me you poop in the bathhouse
The preference being telling me to meet you there instead
A fun place we could fuck and play
But no, I just tuck myself away in the corner of the bunk bed
It’s simple with me
Why don’t you see?
Eye contact, intention
Working together is key
We aren’t fully together
You haven’t finished clearing the space
Tell me why was I embarrassed for you to hear
My answer to the girls questions yesterday about my place
My place in your life
Who I am to the little boy and girl
‘You’re dating their dad — so you’re like a step-mom!
I shouldn’t be ashamed or want to hurl
An accurate depiction of the roll I’m playing
Ashamed at the embarrassment of you hearing me confirm
Or that I want sex while I’m on my period
Internally begging for hot make-outs and sperm
Dreams are broadcasting
A reality I haven’t wanted to show you
Always worried about overwhelm
I see you as unbreakable but you keep reminding me of your fragility, boo
You can handle the truth
And it’s my opportunity to level up
Share my reality with a brave face
Starting with poetry while walking my pup
Take home lesson
I should never have to beg for a kiss
Each time you don’t engage
Another opportunity missed
Take home lesson
Finish clearing the space
You’re not done setting boundaries
Start preparing for that court case
Take home lesson
I’m not the people of your past
If I have to remind you that again
It will be the last
Take home lesson
I need sex or at least loving touch daily
If that’s too challenging for you then release me out of your world
I’ll find someone who will, and gayly
Take home lesson
I’ll continue to give myself to this
As long as I know it’s a compatible energy match
And goddamnit.. dude, I deserve a fucking kiss
