Dating a Man with 2 Little Kids

While Having a Restraining Order Against His Hostile Ex Baby Mama

I finally shared how exhausting this is
Picking up all of the slack where you don’t parent
If I don’t the kids don’t eat or get nurtured
I’m not sure how to be any more transparent

Do you have any idea
How hard it is to NOT play mother?
A stranger in my own home
The toddler always following me and her brother

It’s awkward
It’s sad
It’s confusing
It’s bad

How do you want to do this?
Demoting from “marriage type” relationship to “girlfriend”
How am I supposed to show up less?
This relationship container shrinking — seeing how much I’ll bend

Love less, I thought to myself
Silly girl.. committing to him so fully
He’s still lying to his ex
No boundaries means a constant bully

Oh, sweet Babygirl
That’s all you ever wanted to be called
You told him before (part of daddy dynamic)
Back when you were enthralled

You felt like you could call him daddy
But that protective nurturer doesn’t do either
“Protects” for a living but can’t protect himself or you
Too afraid of the abusive ex, no breather

He refuses to take a breath from her abuse
Or look you in the eyes
So you’ll stop calling him daddy
Unless he gives a moment of shining like a prize

Give up that Babygirl desire
At least if you want to be with him
He has yet to protect you from that ex
Proven again and again

The one time you try to speak up
Sweet, sweet, dear
You want to be by his side to show up for the son
Actualized are all of your biggest fears

You didn’t want to just be the babysitter
And he told you it’s ok and necessary to love them all in
Getting nervous when the biological mother got jealous
And your tired brain will begin to spin

He’s not giving you any other options
Not sharing a future that could be
He will continue to appease and lie to that ex
There is no safe place for you, see

He will say he needs to talk
But he will call everyone and leave no time
He says he will you tell you the truth
But white lies will litter your soul with grime

You dreamed big
Imagined a warrior by your side
You’re going to make it elsewhere safely
You’ll find someone who does want to ride

Ride together
Ride near and far
Ride or die
Riding on par

Unless he makes amends on his own
And shows you there’s some sort of hope
Never again will he be inside of you
And it’s not your concern how he decides to cope

You’re not going to talk to the ex
He does enough of that
She doesn’t deserves your time
Other than renewing the protection order.. stat